I've slowly been easing back into reality from the Wild Women Symposium last weekend.
Seriously, before I know it, this week is going to be over and I'll have done nothing but meditate, study, think lovely thoughts and reminisce with all the sweet souls I connected with.
(Not a wasted week if you ask me.)
Sterling playfully teases that the Wild Women Symposium is like a spiritual summer camp. And I agree with him! I say, yep, except better, you can't really get in trouble, there is no judgement, everyone loves everyone else, and you learn tools to expand your mind, and soul. You come home healed, with a mind full of knowledge, and an expanded heart. Aren't you jealous? Of course he was, and he has been from the beginning. Luckily, there is some talk of one for men sometime in the future, as well as the symposium traveling to different states.
My class went well, though I think it could have gone a bit better. I am a little hard on myself, it's true... but feel I stumbled over my words, I felt everyone could see my face flush from nervousness. I don't want to rattle on about all of the things that went wrong, because I don't feel anything actually did go wrong, instead there are things I learned from. It was my first live class in a while, so I learned quite a bit.
I also learned just how loving and caring women really are. In their true essence, women are incredibly loving and compassionate. Something I didn't always understand growing up. Before my class, when I was nervous, there were women who could tell, and they offered me support and healing. When I lost my headphone jack, another woman leant me hers. And when I lost that one, she laughed it off and forgave me quickly. (I'll be buying a new one ASAP!)
I think if I do apply to teach at the next Wild Woman Symposium, it will not include carrying 50 pounds of crystals with me. I've got lots of bruises, but even more ideas for other classes and things to offer.
I could probably write over twenty pages on my experience at the Wild Women Symposium. I won't though, because the great thing about my experience is, it was only for me. Just like everyone else's was only for them. That's kind of the point, everyone goes in with different options for classes, meditations, or events. You can pick and choose, and end up with an experience all your own.
I was a facilitator, and an intuitive reader, so my first day was very busy! I offered readings all morning, where I met new friends, and connected with old friends from the last symposium. I did readings until about 1:30, when a slight knot in my stomach crept in due to nerves for my upcoming class.
I asked my dear friend Alisabeth for a some reiki healing. I told her I was nervous and couldn't feel grounded for my class. She sat me down and did some energy work on me. She felt how open I was, and helped me close my energy a bit. It does make sense, I was doing readings all day. I felt a bit more calm. Alise was also my assistant in class. I don't think I would have been able to pull the class off without her! She kept the energy in the room so stable for me, and remembered all of the things I forgot. I am so thankful the she got paired up with me!
After my class, I felt a huge sense of relief. It's not like the class was a negative stress factor in my life.. I actually loved the journey of planning, researching, learning, studying, designing, and even facing my fears. I learned so much from this entire process! But once it was done, I knew that I was able to attend a few classes, relax, learn and connect with some magical women
We went to a goddess party later that night, where I danced. (That's right! I totally danced. And I don't think I looked nearly as stiff as I used to.)
The next day I was able to take classes on how to ground and stabilize my energy from LaNae Staker. I also took a past life regression class with Jackie Brinkerhoff. (So amazing.) I listened to words of wisdom from Suzanne Wagner, a total role model of mine.
We also saw a screening of the movie Femme. Another wow. This movie spoke to my soul in an incredible way. It definitely lit a fire in me.
There were so many classes to pick from, people to connect with, time for picnics in nature, and time to just sit. We were located at the Salt Lake Community College, surrounded by trees, mountains and beautiful scenery.
We ended the second day with a breathing circle lead by Leanne Seckinger. This was another of my favorite moments. It was such an incredible experience.
She warned us the energy would be intense and it truly was such an amazing meditation.
Again, everyone's experience here was different, because it started with a personal intention. My intention was forgiveness and acceptance, and with that intention, I experienced an array of emotions.
I felt every emotion that could possibly be attached to forgiveness. I felt anger, sadness, grief, rage, shame. I swore, and I cried. And what seemed like an eternity, I started to feel love and acceptance, and what that means to me. And again, it was an intense and powerful lesson to relearn what love and acceptance was.
Hours later when the drumming stopped, the breathing calmed down and I think everyone in the room was as shocked and as changed as I was.
The next day we all met in the morning, and said our goodbyes. I faced my fears again of standing up in front of everyone. I said what I learned, and just how thankful I was for the love and acceptance I received as a facilitator.
Not wanting the amazing weekend to end, Natasha and I decided we would take the rest of her time in Utah easy. We hung around the house, ordered pizza and talked non-stop about the weekend.
The next day, there were only 2 things on our agenda: Coffee, and Nature. And as we walked to the coffee shop we started a conversation that didn't end until she got on the plane later that night. We learned so much about each other, and so much about ourselves through each other.
We walked around Salt Lake City and got coffee at Eva's Bakery. I found that Natasha likes her coffee with no cream or sugar, and I love the chai-lattes and mochas. But we both enjoyed the lavender-honey macaroons.
We learned that we've shared similar hardships in the past, and bright hopes for our futures. And through each other's painful past we both found solace and healing.
Most of all, we allowed each other to just be. From the moment we met, we decided we were allowed to just be.
Sometimes we sat in silence, sometimes on our phones, and sometimes enthralled in deep emotional conversations.
From one tangent to the next, we walked around the city and took photos like tourists. I was reminded how nice it is to look at a place with new eyes. To stop an notice the little details that I had forgotten.
As the sun got hotter we retreated into the woods with the pups and found a nice area by the river bank to sit at. We cleansed our stones, grounded ourselves and enjoyed the spiritual drunk we were on from the day before.
But by the evening time I had the most bitter sweet feeling in my heart knowing Natasha had to be at the airport by 10 pm. We had spent all day just "being." We bonded through our healing and our laughter and seriously didn't stop talking. We've made plans to meet on skype, and I think we've texted every day since she's left, but I still miss her!
The next day my house was so quiet.. and my empty to-do list looked extra daunting!
All of my partially finished paintings kept telling me it was okay to wait. It's okay to take a few more days to just be.
And so I've been taking my time easing back into this reality. Taking my time to remember the things I have learned. To remember mindfulness, and to allow myself to just be.
And today I finally woke up and said, yes. I can hit publish on this post. Because that's at least a start.